Hermes's Den

            “There you are, sug. I was beginning to think you’d run off on me. Just promise to make it hurt if you do, ‘kay? You didn’t hear it from me but heartbroken can be a particular shade of beautiful.

“If this is your first time with us, let me welcome you formally, if you’re returning, welcome back to the Lonely Hearts Club, right here on Iris 99.9. Like every sunrise and sunset, I am your host Caspian and just for a second I want us all to breathe deep. Real deep, all the way down. Now again, like you mean it, for me this time. There it is. Doesn’t that feel so much better? I tend to hold a lot of tension in my chest for no reason and forget to really breathe, and if I’m like that with my cushy life, I’m sure all you out there with your noses really to the grindstone are in the absolute trenches.

“That’s what I’m here for. Think of me as a USO for those with tears in their cups and with fewer… travel requirement. You know the drill, private. I talk, you listen, I put on some music, you talk, I listen, I put on some music, we cry and cope and commiserate as necessary. Sound good? Excellent.

“Now. Friends. We have pressing business to attend to. If you remember a more recent posting of ours, we’d welcomed a bright lad going by Dylan to our fair city and he was—I hoped—well on his way to having affogato with someone he’s met recently, one Bolton. And get this, lovers. They work together. Innit halfway to a fairytale? It’s been far too long since I’ve had him on the show, and I just can’t wait anymore. Tell us, O Son of the Churning Sea, how do things go with you and yours? How do things go with you and he who could be yours? As much as one can be another’s that is.”

“Hi Caspian—uh, hi, everybody else, too, I guess—thanks for having me back. I’ve been pretty great, how’ve you been?”

“Oh, turtledove, don’t ask questions that don’t need to be answered. This is all about you right now besides. I’m hoping you’re pretty great because…?”

“Hey Caspian.”

“Hello, new voice. And what a voice too. Am I safe in calling you Bolton?”

“You are safe.”

“And so you are named. My, my, now this is a turn of events. Dylan, you should’ve warned me we’d be having extra company. I would’ve put on the good opening music. A warm and personal welcome to you, Bolton, tell us all how things went. Last time we were left on a bit of a cliffhanger waiting to see what you’d make of everything.”

“Yea, haha, I heard you were.”

“Did you?”

“I did, I’m actually somewhat of a regular so I heard in all but real time.”

“Hmm, all but… let me guess… with the last coffee of the day?”

“First tea of the night, actually. This lemongrass and peppermint thing. But uh, I just kind of perked my head up when I heard Dylan’s voice with yours. He sounded a bit different but overall, I could tell it was him. I didn’t realize I’m that much of a purist when it comes to coffee.”

“More like puritan.”

“To be fair, Dylan, you were calling a radio station about him, puritanical practices, and all. You two sound rather comfortable, if I may say so. There must’ve been quite an event to eat up time like that. How’d everything shake down? You heard him pining over you then you kicked down his door to profess your love and repair said door?”

“That’s actually not too far off what I did.”

“You’re lying.”

“I was trying to be all cool with it, but I walked into this glass door and it broke.”

“Honestly, it was kind of impressive.”

“Oh! Are you alright?”

“Right as rain, it all stayed in the frame, and I kinda kicked it more than anything.”

“Well then boots are a blessing. I’m happy for you two but I’m not sure if you can stay now that you’re all entwined. No happy love stories allowed, after all! Stick around for the end of that debate after a quick song? Knew you would. We’ll be back with another round of the Lonely Hearts Club in a sec. Keep a weather eye, babe, we’ll be comin at cha right here on Iris 99.9.

“Welcome back, everyone, that was ‘Plastic (You Want It)’ by No Age. A great track I haven’t fully broken down but not everything needs to be broken down like a cardboard box. Some things should be reused if it’s used in the first place, like… well, like plastic. This show is firmly anti-single use plastic, by the way. I know it’s especially hard in this world, I won’t even tell you how many times I’ve been guilty of that because of take out while working on this show alone. You know what’s not a particular shade of beautiful, though? Microplastics in our bloodstreams. But they’re there anyway and if our hearts are going to break, it might as well be with good reason and better memories.

“Bolton and Dylan had to dash during the break, but they left me with the sweetest parting message for all you mopes out there and right here. They said to let things bloom in their own time, and only sweeten as much as necessary. Ain’t it cute? Sickly, even. I’m happy for them, and happier with this fine tea they were so kind to give me. It has rose petals in it and I must say… I’m close to heaven. It’s not overbearingly floral, just finely threaded. I’m happiest of all that they left in time for us to properly curl up and sink into this letter we got. Grab a blanket and your drink of choice— this one is a bit of a coal raking, I won’t lie, but only by facing do we end up clearing. Are we ready?

This story in its entirety can be found on my patreon https://www.patreon.com/posts/open-up-lonely-79441401